I Broke My Toe Yesterday.

Sounds like a party right?

I was at the boyfriend's house last night, (I'm always at his house) and I decided that we should go swimming for like, the fifth time that day. I have yet to discover why he's dating me, even I piss myself off.

And he hates swimming. Like, he'll go into his knees and then sit on shore and watch me splash around like an overweight otter. Yay for metaphors! Or similes. Or whichever, I was always a bit hazy on which was which. But doesn't the phrase overweight otter just put an awful picture in your head? It looks about as bad as it sounds.

But anyway, while I was trying to pull boyfriend into the 30 degree water for like the eight hundreth time I slipped on the nasty slime-y whatever that covers extraordinarily pointy rocks at the bottom of the lake. I then got the middle toe of my left foot caught between two minor boulders and fell backwards and was submerged in murky water up to my eyebrows.

Which was deeply unpleasant, incidentally.

And I had to limp all the way back to his house in 3 dollar flip flops, in a soaked sundress. Which is like 3 miles away from the beach.

But the same day he happened to be having a family reunion which he conveniently forgot to tell me about. Hmm.

So I was introduced to great uncles twice removed and his great aunt Mildred, or whomever, in soaking clothes and a toe that had grown to twice its natural size. Sexy, right?

But it was adorable when Boyfriend's two little cousins, ages 6 and 3, ran in and gave him a huge hug, then saw me and gave me a bigger hug than they gave him.

Because I'm awesome.

And I'm mostly kidding.

But anyway, when I got home that night my dad (a male nurse, don't laugh, it's awful, I know) prodded my toe a couple of times and told me it was broken. (I could have surmised this from the interesting purplish color and the fact that it was now about as big as my big toe and throbbing mercilessly.)

He then told me to take a couple of ibruprofen and suck it up.

And that, my friends, is why America has the best healthcare in the world.

And you know what the worst part is? This is my first broken bone. What a rip off.